An Unexpected Moon

Goodness, I never know how to start one of these darn things. Or maybe I'm just distracted. The acapella production, that is Pitch Perfect 2, is stealing my focus. (New life goal: Learn how to do the thing they do with their voice to make it do cool stuff.)

Yet amidst all the distraction I had a story that I needed to tell. It felt only right. My fingers were yearning to be above keys, typing away at words that I needed to flow so effortlessly, Yet they aren't effortless today which is making me frustrated and close to powering down every word document on this thing. 

But I have to write today. 

I can feel it. 

I can feel the words and they are beautiful and need to be typed down so they don't overwhelm me later on. 

Last night was one I will forever think back to. We only get a couple of those in a lifetime. Those evenings that start so unassuming yet turn so magical. For obvious reasons you can assume I'm merely relating my evening watching the blood moon, that caused much hype around the world. 

Yet it goes much farther. 

I wasn't as excited as I probably should have been. Many have anticipated the glory, even perhaps the aftermath of such a sight. Yet I barely gave it any thought. Perhaps I had other things on my mind, perhaps I didn't want to join the bandwagon out of spite. Whatever the reason, I didn't care. 

It was the moon, how could the moon improve? 

Something in me changed, though,

As the evening went on, I found myself yearning for an adventure. I get this way on occasion. This overwhelming urge to run away, start over, do something, anything that I've never done before, maybe will never do ever again, so I can feel alive. 

It started as a simple evening. A friend of mine invited me over to watch a movie, and do what we usually do- nothing. And it is always such a refreshing time. Yet this particular evening I was feeling the urge to run. Mia decided to join me. 

So we ran. And it was everything I needed it to be. 

As we dove into my little car we took off on our trip to the moon. 

And it was glorious. 

As we drove away, which felt very far, I felt myself feeling invigorated. 

The lyrics to M83's "My Tears Are Becoming a Sea" was playing as we ran. It made me drive faster. 

We found ourselves minutes later in a dark parking lot, sitting in the grass, contently silent. The only sounds we heard, were the passing cars. Each one on its own journey, and each one with another story. I found myself writing them in my head. The grey prius was heading home to a homecooked meal, and the red Saturn was on a search for ice cream for their loving wife. 

We didn't break the silence for a centuries. It was a happy silence. It was a comforting silence that didn't need to be fixed with meaningless chatter. So instead of meaningless chatter, we filled it with meaningful stories and comforting words. 

I realized in that moment that when I felt the urge to run away, I should always take someone with me. A silent partner that wouldn't mind listening to depressing songs that make me sob, and the rambling that sometimes racks my voice with episodes of fairy tales and strange dreams. 

So as Mia and I stared at the moon that was growing ever more red and we looked up at the stars that shined even more bright, I smiled. Which turned to a giggle. Which then turned to full blown laughing. 

I knew it was due to my running on exhaustion and only one meal, yet it felt so good. 

Mia didn't question it, and joined in with as much fervor as I. 

It was unplanned, this happiness, and it was surprising. Yet it sure was something I won't forget. 

Who knew I could actually pull out all these words. I never know what will come of my sitting down at the keyboard. Yet I suppose this will have to do. 

Oh, and if you want to see the moon or you're expecting a National Geographic worthy shot please just visit National Geographic. iPhone, you're better than this...

How to Fail/ Win at Life

Who better to take advice from than the expert, right?
And this is definitely a topic I excel in.



1. Don't face reality in the face. Rather face it's back-side, that way you can hide from it and never come to terms with anything, ever happening in your life. Some people call this 'denial', or 'delusion'.
2. Avoid people that live in 'reality', these people are dull and only serve to crush your delusional, blissful way of life. These people live in a black pit of realistic expectations. You don't need that in your life.
3. People are 'literally' the worst. Remember this and let it lull you to sleep at night. They like "chatting" with you, and "caring" about you. What's that all about? Get a life people!
4. When people give you compliments don't merely say 'thank you'. Proceed to explain every minuscule detail you can think of, about whatever they complimented you on. Where you got it, when, how much it cost, what material it's made of, a funny/ interesting story about it, etc.
5. Never leave the house without a book. This way in any uncomfortable/boring/stressful situation you have any easy escape. (This step goes hand in hand with step 1- 'delusion'.)
6. Keep a journal and write about every feeling you have ever felt, and read the entries over and over again to remind yourself of your miserable existence.
7. When you do hang out with people make sure you do or say something really uncomfortable or embarrassing, then they won't invite you anywhere anymore and you are free to stay home and write in your 'feelings journal'. ("Dear Diary, Today I tripped and fell while carrying a tray full of cupcakes at a graduation party. I destroyed all of the cupcakes with my face and most of my body and have died part of my hair green. At least now I won't have to socialize for awhile. Sincerely, McKenzie XOXO)
8. Go to bed at 9:30pm because you're an "early riser".
9. Stare off into space a lot, then realize you have been staring at a stranger for a good 10 minutes. Stare angrily at them for another 5 minutes so they think you were challenging them to an old fashioned show down.
10. Stare at people purposefully...people like it...even if they say they don't...
11. Drop things. Computers, phones, pianos, cats, dogs, babies, food, anything you can get your hands on.
12. Adopt a cat. Cats are God's gift to socially inept people, enjoy the company.
13. If you don't have confidence- fake it! "McKenzie, you look very nice today." "Yes, I know." 
14. Spend an entire day speaking in gibberish. It's fun. It breaks up the monontonous life you have. (Accents are accepted too.) If people have a problem with it, speak even louder and they will love it.

15. And finally- be yourself. Yet not completely yourself. More like an improved version of yourself. Yourself 2.0. Yourself plus Kanye West. Scratch that, yourself minus any trace of Kanye West. 

You can throw those self help books goodbye! (Considering people still buy those things..."Here, read about how I overcame loserhood and am now killing it in adulthood. Pay no attention to the fact that I'm merely writing about my embarassing life stories and getting paid for it. Maybe one day you can become just like me.") 

*McKenzie Porter is not responsible for any harm or loss of friends/ self respect you may lose after listening to her advice. She is not a certified person to take advice from, nor does she back up any of the above written material. Accept maybe #12 because she loves cats and really wants one.* 

Another Senior Citizen Rant

Now I consider myself to be a fairly young person. I still have a relative amount of energy, buoyancy (ew...), and liveliness. I live with a small amount of whimsy and expectation most found in youth. Yet, when you wake up, feeling like death is upon you and your body naturally reacts with racks of exhaustion, all due to ONE late night out, it truly puts your life in perspective. Not even in the prime of my life, and I have aged 30 years.
Now it wouldn't be so bad if I was, say, 30 years older than I am now. Still depressing, yet I know how the world works. No, no, not even two decades under my belt and I'm still disappointed when I eat dinner later than 4 o'clock. 7 o'clock is bathtime!
So, what pray tell, has gone awry? It'd be easy to blame my parents, as they have been here all along. They have watched as I slowly decayed before them. They saw all those years I went to bed at 8 to sit up and read my little romance novels while snacking on the most bland foods I could get my hands on. The signs were all around them, if only I was warned.
Now, so far gone, I am happy in my oldness; which makes me sad. If someone were to open me up they would find stolen sugar packets, and knock-knock jokes so old they are started to rust.
S, being a part of the senior citizen community, I of course have noticed our descent into moral uprooting and teen incompetence. This brings us to the Teen Fiction section of this rant.
Confession: I am an avid Teen Fiction reader. I see no harm in this, only that it gives me unrealistic expectations regarding love and friendship. Yet a little self delusion never killed anyone...right? I find the writing style easy to grasp and happy to read. And usually it's pretty easy for me to get lost in the lives of the young characters and their  young lives which seem so foreign to me.
And although I have found a plethor of entertainging books from the Teen Fiction section of my local Barnes & Noble, recently I have had no success. I feel falling prey to their shiny covers. Yes, I judge book by its cover especially if it involves a pretty dress. (Well done publishing...well done.)
Turns out, reading from a 16 year old's perspective is as torturous as it sounds. Which is why no one shall read from McKenzie Porter's past diaries...
Yet I do suggest these lovely books:

And who knows maybe I'll get around too doing a few books reviews...like I'm always saying I'll do.

But until that fateful day-
Happy Reading!

Lots of Self- Loathing

I woke up this morning in a good mood.
I should have known this day was going to go all wrong. In no way, NO WAY do I wake up in a good mood. Let alone in a Disney Princess, sing-worthy sort of way. Usually I wake up with lots of grunting, and complaining, throwing various objects around the room, screaming because I just want to stay home and REEEAADDD!
This morning though, there was a huge contrast. I woke up willingly, 2 whole minutes before my alarm clock goes off at precisely 8 o'clock. And from there I proceeded to not even hit the snooze button- but to get up, throw on some sweat pants (Perhaps I wasn't wearing any pants...perhaps you should stay out of my business and just read this darn thing...), and actually do something in the morning besides lazily eating peanut butter and Nutella out of the jar whilst crying and throwing things around the room. 
But today was different.
Today I actually got up and did something. That something was walk on the treadmill for about 20 minutes. I'm basically I triathlete now...not to brag. I even walked on an incline. Yeah, I know what you're thinking "Calm down McKenzie, you're gonna put the rest of us to shame!" 
Well don't worry, later on in the morning I ate a whole chocolate bar...because this day didn't stay sing-worthy for long.
After my twenty minute walk through the pits of....(oh you know where!) I had to get around for work. At this point the endorphin's  were walking me through the house. Yet about the time I got around to doing my makeup...things took a turn.
I blame it on the eyeliner.
It's always the eyeliner, isn't it? Today was not my day for winged eyeliner. I promise, I looked like I was punched or something. First one eye didn't look right so I tried to rub it off- Nope! I didn't manage to rub it off- I managed to rub it ON even more. (Insert verbal "UGH!'). Finally I broke down and actually got a wash cloth...which seemed to do the trick...if only my second try would have worked. It didn't. 
It took 3 times of 1. putting the eye liner on. 2. screaming when it didn't come out right. 3. washing it all off with a wash cloth. 4. trying again....until FINALLY it worked and the world was once again a peaceful place. 
Until I looked at the clock. 
9: 18...I'm supposed to be at work at 9:30...and I wasn't even dressed yet (I'll admit it...). 
By 9:25 I was out the door, with my winged liner, somewhat put together outfit, and an apple for breakfast. 
This was gonna be a long day.
So I get to work, clock in, raz the secretary for a bit, and head to the nurses office where I am greeted by the Nurse. So far so good. 
I take off my coat (Shout out to Sherylyn for the coat! Thanks bud!), scarf, pull down my dress which may have been somewhat tucked into my leggings, and proceed to put my things away and grab my computer out of the file cabinet. 
What happens next...shouldn't surprise you...




The computer falls off the the table I had it strategically balanced on while I was putting my coat away.
And it basically explodes...at least that's what it sounded like.
Thankfully only the battery fell out, so I felt maybe the universe was working in my favor this time...
Until I turned it on.
There are now colored bars running down the middle screen of my work computer, causing me a lot of unneeded stress. Thanks universe. 
Besides the nurse, no one knows. 
I would like to keep it that way...until I can come up with a story to tell our tech person...as to how I managed to drop this computer. A GOOD explanation...like maybe I was trying to kill a spider, stop a fire, save a child. 
*Suggestions are welcome!*
But yeah...I couldn't wait to get home.

But enough about this day! I'm so over this day. 
Let's talk about music for a change. 
For many of you that already know me, you will know I love music. (What a cliche sentence...) But it's true, I love music and the way it distracts me from..well...days like this. And recently I have been using this app called Spotify. You can make your own playlists with basically any song you want, and let me say it's a gem! Currently I have about 100 songs on my playlist. It plays randomly, and sometimes throws in something it thinks you would like. So far they seem to know my taste pretty well. 
Shall we hit the shuffle button and see what we get?

McKenzie's Playlist For The Ultimate Music Experience:

Buddy Holly by. Weezer
Ready to Go (Get Me Out of My Mind) by. Panic! At the Disco
No Lie by. Wet
Incomplete and Insecure by. The Avett Brothers
New Girl by. The Black Keys
Come on Eileen by. Dexys Midnight Runners (I might listen to this song far too often..)
Staying Up by. The Neighbourhood
Out of My League by. Fitz and The Tantrums
January Wedding by. The Avett Brothers
Outside by. Calvin Harris (THIS IS MY JAM!)

Anyhow I hope you all are having a much better day than myself, but if not, here are some tips: 

Go check out Spotify.
Don't leave your computers on any uneven surface/ edge of a table/ edge of bathtub/ anywhere near water actually.
Pinterest eyeliner tutorials are lies.
Music fixes everything.
Unless it's country.
Or rap.
I'm tired.
This post is nonsense.
Farwell.
Happy Reading!

Concert Updates From Gollum

I woke up at 11am today.

And that describes my Saturday- beginning, middle, and end. 

"And she lived happily ever after, alone, on the couch, with 'Princess Diaries' in the background, and the steady chatter of fingers on keys." Who knew my life was so romantic! 

Anyhow, the reason for my waking up at such an inconvenient time was due to my lack of proper sleep these past few days. Yet I feel I need much more- one look in the bathroom mirror this morning and my day was instantly ruined. So this might be a pessimistic post. 

Let's change the topic away from my unfortunate lack of beauty sleep. Yeah?

Okay, so the concert. 

I don't really know how to describe it. So I won't. 

It's like trying to tell a funny story, and by the end everyone has stopped listening, because they just had to be there. Yeah, it's kinda like that. Yet far less awkward. 

So why don't I just SHOW you?

As if I wasn't already obsessed with them before! 

It was an unforgettable night. I screamed, danced, clapped, stomped, and very nearly started bawling the whole evening- yet in a good way. A very good way. 

I suppose I have Sherylyn to thank. She introduced me to them one night, as she was driving me home, it was dark and I was very tired, yet I still remember how I watched her fingers drum on the steering wheel and her fists pump in the air. (The song was 'Bring Your Love To Me'.) 

Naturally, the night was exquisite yet also long. I didn't get home til 1 in the morning, and I didn't get to bed til almost 2 because I was so keyed up. Which thus began my long and arduous war to get on a normal sleeping schedule. It was totally worth it. 

The day after the concert, I had work in the morning. I thought about calling in and saying I wasn't going to make it- yet for some reason I thought it was a pay day so I got around reluctantly. 

Apparently it wasn't a pay day.

I'm still mad about that. 

Another thing I'm mad about is that I'm cold. (Should this be a new segment on the blog "What Is McKenzie Mad About Now?") But really, I am currently wearing a fleece onesie (Should I seriously admit that? And a more important question, did I spell that correctly?), wrapped like a burrito in blanket, and sitting in front of our mini heater/fake fire place drinking hot tea. Do I have some sort of circulation problem? Perhaps the fact that I haven't necessarily moved any part of my body except my fingers, might have something to do with it. But I still see no reason to move. Like I said- I'm cold. 

It's been snowing on and off since yesterday and although I absolutely love watching the snow fall, my happiness is short lived once I realize how much longer we must suffer through this 'being cold' business. 

I'm so done.

So done!

Yet will I ever move? Probably not. Absolutely not. Because you wanna know something that makes me even more mad than being cold? Change. (Come to think of it, a lot of things make me mad. Ugh, looks like I have some work to do.) 

Yet I'm trying to get used to this not 70 degree weather, by looking on the bright side! So unlike me. 

I can read, or write all day long. I can eat copious amounts of food because I'm constantly wearing a coat  that will hide any unnecessary pounds. I can get out my anger by watching sad movies and crying because Mr. Darcy isn't real. And most importantly I don't have to leave the house. 

Perhaps I might survive this whole winter thing after all. 

But if I don't, know I tried my hardest.

So until next time, maybe I will get some real sleep or just resign myself to avoiding mirrors for a little while. I'm really tired of seeing Gollum. And I'll try not to be so mad for a change, I guess there's this thing called "Happy Thoughts". Suppose I'll try that for a little while. 

Well, 'Pride and Prejudice' is calling my name, and so is Mom's chili. Wonder what it would take for her to bring me some, because getting up is out of the question!

Enjoy the snow readers!

And-

Happy Reading! 

P.S. I just read this post to my Father, looked over at him because I was wondering why in the world was he not laughing or at least chuckling at times- turns out he fell asleep. Apparently this whole writing thing needs some work...

Or maybe the fact that I'm constantly talking, means he has had to learn to sleep with my constant chatter.  

*McKenzie slyly grabs the remote control and turns the channel to anything but ESPN* 

Hooked on Books: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I promised you all a book review, and I have delivered. Ask and ye shall receive...or don't ask and I'll just do what I want. Either way- here ya go. 

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by. Stephen Chbosky 

There is an overwhelming number of books in the world that make us cry. You read one and you read them all, yet we still time and again put ourselves through the agony. I believe it is human nature to want to feel something- anything- to attach ourselves to as many things as possible. So weepy novels are  our outlet.
Yet there is a very small percentage of books in the world that change us. And I know I sound like a cheesy Oprah Winfrey yet when a book manages to change your way of thinking, of living, it is a rare creation. The Perks of Being a Wallflower is one such creation. 
From the moment I knew about its existence I was extremely uninterested. Uninterested as in I bypassed its unassuming little cover and went straight toward the Sci- Fi Romance section of Barnes and Nobles. (I'm a sucker for a beautiful cover.) I had so little faith in this little book, for it is quite tiny. I had this belief that no good story could be told- let alone a life changing one- in less that 400 pages. 
I forget now why Sherylyn and I decided to finally pick it up and read it, (Perhaps she can refresh my memory someday) yet my expectations were proved false beyond words. 

Dear Charlie,

I read every one of your letters. I read and reread and digested and reread again and thought and thought and thought about you and your life. As I read I found myself growing more and more like-minded with you. I also think of myself more as an observer than a 'participator' in life. Perhaps we both notice the futility of it. 
I must admit, many letters I had to stop reading. I had to stop and mentally prepare myself for the next word and then the next until I could finish it. It was hard to read those letters. Yet I feel I understand your behavior more. I understood your drive and your decisions. And although your past is tragic, you said it best with "even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them."
I have read these words many times, picking them apart-as I do all your words- trying to make complete since of them. Because that's what you should do when something makes me feel so utterly 'infinite', you should dissect it, over and over and over again and never stop. 
You are from a different world Just Charlie. A world that is looking down on this world, trying to make since of everyone and everything and failing. Your words rang true to my heart because they are ones I thought myself alone in thinking. 
Like how music is something so utterly great, yet awful at the same time. 
And how loving someone means loving the bad parts too. 
How it's okay to not see things how others see them.
And how being sad doesn't mean your not also happy. 
Thank you Charlie for the letters, now I have a collection of little works of art to read at my leisure, and a friend. For that's how I feel about you. You're a friend. A kindred spirit- if you will.
I wish you all the best in your happiness and in your sadness. And if you ever feel the need to get bad again, please write me. But if you don't write I will still be happy because I know you are out 'participating' in life, and maybe one day I will choose to do the same. 
Love Always,
McKenzie

Fanfiction anyone? 

I wish I could give you all more. Perhaps a diagnonis of the plot, or a few character studies, yet I feel then you wouldn't read the book. And you should. Yet perhaps a warning is in order- like I said in the above letter- some parts are hard to read. Your tears will blur your vision, and some nights you won't be able to sleep. Yet is it possible that I enjoyed every moment of it? 

So whoop there it is readers. 
I hope you find this book as wonderful as I did.
And always til next time-
Happy Reading. 

"Potato Chip Beyonce goes for 1 Million Dollars!"

So I haven't wrote in awhile. 
And no, don't get too ahead of yourself and start thinking "McKenzie finally got a life!"- she didn't- I mean 'I didn't'. (The habit of talking in third person comes easily to me..too easily. One can never be too careful of avoiding unnecessary quirks. I believe I have reached my maximum amount.) 
So what have I been up to? 
Well well well, let me tell you...

Nothing too interesting. 

Was it worth the wait everyone? I'm sure you were all completely lost without my unfocused monologues, about my mundane life. (Don't worry, the sarcasm is still hot as ever.) Yet truthfully nothing too utterly life changing has occurred. And yes, I'm just as surprised as you all are! I mean I am living in Wichita, Kansas- the epicenter of adventure and all things fun! 
I suppose I have been reading, which is more than enough drama I can handle right now. 
***COMING SOON: BOOK REVIEWS***

I suppose work has been interesting. Children, I'm beginning to learn, are little bombs of disease. They reel you in with their big trusting eyes, and their innocent little voices, only to strike when you least expect it. "Oh Ms. McKenzie let me give you a hug and then later inform you I'm not feeling well and was throwing up last night." 
Another thing I'm learning is that children should never, under any circumstances, be allowed to play outside. No! They need to be wrapped up in bubble wrap and stuck in a plastic bubble. And it would be for their own good of course. I cannot even begin to explain to you how many kids these past weeks have injured themselves due to their not being (as stated earlier) wrapped in bubble wrap and inside their plastic bubbles. "Oh Ms. McKenzie I just hit my head on the playground and it appears I'm bleeding gallons of blood all over myself, would you kindly pick me up and run me quite frantically to the nurse? Thanks. Love ya. Bye." 
(I'm telling you. Bubble wrap. Use it.)

Well, thinking about it I suppose Sherylyn and I do have pretty exciting news. And by pretty exciting, I really mean "Life Altering, Best Day Of Our Lives" kinda pretty exciting. 
Anyone heard of the little known group- The Avett Brothers? No? Well then where have you been living? Living inside a bubble? 
Well, I was there at one time too and if it wouldn't have been for Sherylyn I would still by there. Trapped in my own ignorance. So I feel it my duty (yes I just said 'duty'- grow up!) to let you all know what a waste your lives have been up to this point. Too harsh? Well I don't think so. Listen up!

McKenzie's Avett Brother Playlist:
Bring Your Love to Me
Laundry Song
January Wedding
Part From Me
Souls Like the Wheels
Vanity
I and Love and You
The Perfect Space
Head Full of Doubt/ Road Full of Promise

I started you all off pretty easy. 9 songs. It'll only take approximately 45 minutes of your time. 45 minutes to change your life forever. 
And as avid fans no doubt you would be thinking "Sherylyn, McKenzie! Maybe you should go to one of their concerts!"
What an idea, readers! 
This Thursday, February 26, 2015 we are going to one of their concerts! It will be my first concert of all time! And I just know it will be epicly (Is that a word? Well it is now) perfect! Yet now I'm a little overwhelmed as to what I should wear...is a wedding dress appropriate? 

Well, fellow readers...(otherwise known as Mom) I suppose this is all I can come up with to entertain you. I have become addicted to Trivia Crack...is that exciting news? Eh...til next time! 
Perhaps I will actually go on an adventure! Or stumble across a time machine, dinosaur bone, or a potato chip shaped like Beyonce. 
But until then- 
Happy Reading!


Time to get to work...